Once again I struggle with 'the attachment to what you do syndrome.' Please forgive me. (Yes, I've read Ruiz. No, I do not take it personally. Yes, I know you see only from you own perception.) It is a real pain in my day when my humanness decides to remind me I am in this body, on this earth, living and breathing just like the rest of you. damn. This attachment disorder creates havoc in my life - if only for the most minute moment. It will cause me to have restless sleep, sit in company of others with nothing to say because my internal wheels are moving at record speed and depth about who said what, who did what and is there any need for me to shamefully walk myself to the city center and ask to be hung in the gallows by my peers. Yup, that bad. And just when I was having such an incredibly great week. damn again.
This doesn't rear its ugly head very often, most days it is the sleeping nightmare, willing to lay so low and angelically quiet I can pretend it no longer exists, causing me to feel very evolved. (come on now, you know what I mean.) Fortunately for my spiritual growth, this is not a permanent state of being. Unfortunately, for my open heart and costume of humanness I am wearing in this lifetime - it holds quite a mean kick in ones own butt. The worse part of it is you have NO idea you have yourself on a pedestal until you are laying splat on the ground awaiting all the kings-men to put you back to together again. know what? they never show. damn those childhood stories. no white knights and no kings-men.
Rarely, but it does happen, I awake from a restless nights' sleep, waiting and wishing to take yesterday and roll it up in a ball, (like stripping the bed of unclean sheets), and tossing the ball away. Pure & simply. Just take all of yesterday and cause it to disintegrate. Sigh. Just forget about it, make it non existent. Yup. Sounds good to me.
Oh, but then, the juicy uncomfortableness which causes me to stretch myself in contorted thinking and emotional gymnastics would be naught. my spirit would lay stagnant - or would it?
Can we truly be non attached to another persons opions, beliefs and actions? Is it humanly possible to call upon our selves to not care, to think of ourselves as so detached and 'evolved' that what ever you do has no affect on me?
Can we live by this code :(......maybe, but will we thrive?)
I do not want to have any say, feeling, response or thought at all (silent or other) about what you do, how you do it or why you do it. i respect whatever choice you make, simply because you're choosing. and i expect the same from you.
Do you ever find yourself trying too hard to be good? (Come on...you know you do.) Trying too hard to convince yourself and everyone around you, you are saintly, nice and live by the golden rules? Do you ever feel that you just want to scream: We're human-get over it!!!!
I know that when my words or actions place me in a position of telling you how to behave, I feel awful. It is SO wrong. I know that in the depths of my soul, even when it shows up in the most subtle of ways, when I use the excuse of guidelines, or boundaries, or this is my business......when I make stuff up to fit my ego driven humanness; that I find myself quickly doing the walk of shame. It feels terrible, really terrible. In these moments I am so deeply aware of forgetting God, of forgetting love....I feel sick. I really want to not care what you do. None of it. I do a pretty good job of this - I live an honest existence of allowing others to be - yet, there are rare times when I kick myself in the butt with this thing of judging what you do - and boy, it is a very uncomfortable, painful, HUGE spiritual 2 x 4. Right upside my head. Damn, that hurts.
So, once again I thank an unknown to you soul, who majestically entered my life to allow me to see this dried up popcorn kernel seed in the depth of my spirit - this ego driven piece of yuckiness. (This doesn't mean I want you back in my life, it just means next time, I will do it differently.) Once again I will go to my client guidelines and change things, create new information, tweak the ideas, offer it a new way. One day, I can only pray, that in this incarnation, I will get it "right". I will be able to feel truly and honestly so separate from your stuff, so centered in my own knowing, that no matter what your lovely, majestic and beautiful self does; it has no affect on me.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
This my birthday week...and this upcoming birthday celebration has been the first year to gain my inner attention. I have always been one of those people who when asked how old they are had to double check the math first - never held onto age before. Till now.
I am not holding on to the aging awareness as much as I have noticed the generational gaps. I like who I am, how I do life, some days I even feel I look okay...but I have noticed (over and over and over) how old fashioned I am about technology. I made peace with the music gap years ago.....but this techno thing has got me. It is necessary - or is it? I just spent way too much time deciding to buy an ipod or another CD player. I learned, weighed, and ended up buying another CD player. They all have ipod docks....but I intentionally chose the one which HID the docking station so I would not have to be reminded every time I looked at it, that I feel so behind the times, older than, outdated. Although, we just upgraded our phones ( so I could receive emails) and I feel very proud of that....still learning the benefits...........and if honest, I miss my flip phone. It was easier to use, more convenient, more private.
I often hear a naggy old women's voice in my head (who IS that?????) every so often say: "why don't they just pick up the phone and CALL me." I really don't get it. And text messages can be about really IMPORTANT issues........how does that make sense to me? It simply doesn't. I get that time may be an issue, but if it turns into a string of texts - a phone call would have been faster. And an important topic deserves time & a voice.
Is all this technology making us less intimate? I believe it can. Convenience is one thing - and avoidance is another.
One should NOT use texts or emails for important emotional issues. But you say, what about letter writing, isn't it the same? No, it is not. When you write a letter, the process itself calls you to deepen your thinking and many times you will reread it before mailing. Emails and texts are fast, quick, now. No checking. No depth. You know what happens when you use a fast, convenient device for important, emotional, concerning issues? They get misunderstood. Truly. Think about it. How many times have you felt misunderstood due to another hearing something in your text or email you did not put there? How often have you read an email or text and wondered...what did they mean? Were they trying to be funny? Is this a joke?
And then there is the scheduling. I get that it is more convenient to have all the info you need in your life in a 3 x 5 , 1/4 inch thin electronic gizmo. And some day, (I can feel it nudging at me), as a multi busy woman in private practice I may tend to explore....(someday not now).....the idea of it...... BUT where does the connection from my hand to my heart go........the connection which happens when I write your name in my day planner? I love that connection, some moments it feels ritualistic to acknowledge your trust in me and my love for your journey as I place you in the preferred time slot.
As far as ease, I have seen people take ten times as long getting the info INTO their fancy planning device item as it takes me to write it down on my journal and your next appointment card.
Yes, there is a great generational divide. I am aware of it. It is natural.
Another birthday process for me has been looking at the women in my life who are close to my heart and seeing where I am in them. I have sat with the energy of the women closest to me, the ones I have a connection with, and thought: what are you mirroring for me? What is it about you which pushes my boundaries, my comfort zone, my buttons? What is it about you which I respect, seek and adore? Where do I see all that juiciness in myself?
Through this mirroring journey i have seen anger and wondered where it was in me. I have seen a strong woman feel dis-empowered.........where is that in me? I have seen a woman I deeply respect pull through a very challenging journey........where is that in me? I have heard women I love be judgemental.......where is that in me? I have seen women I adore need to be the center of attention........where is that in me? I see women love deeply and loyally, laugh outrageously, huddle in joy, rise up in ego, set them selves apart, give generously, be kind beyond words. And in all that I found tidbits and more of the same in my own self. Knowing that it can only come to me if it is in my own vibration....and knowing that if I do more than simply observe, if I get pushed........then I can look for that in me and go................Oh, there you are...let's find the root and love you so deeply you can leave into Light.
I think this is what I love the most about 'maturing'.........to have the wisdom and the faith to really see and know myself. To see one's self takes more courage than one would ever expect - but when you do, when you can, when you are able to see how you show up - well, then all walls are down and grace descends through all experiences.
So, this is another year since I landed in this incarnation. This will be my 58th birthday. So far, its been pretty incredible. I have had an amazing year and I look forward to more amazing life to unfold in the upcoming 59th year of my life (this time around).
Thank you for all of it -
Bliss & Bless, Deborah
I am not holding on to the aging awareness as much as I have noticed the generational gaps. I like who I am, how I do life, some days I even feel I look okay...but I have noticed (over and over and over) how old fashioned I am about technology. I made peace with the music gap years ago.....but this techno thing has got me. It is necessary - or is it? I just spent way too much time deciding to buy an ipod or another CD player. I learned, weighed, and ended up buying another CD player. They all have ipod docks....but I intentionally chose the one which HID the docking station so I would not have to be reminded every time I looked at it, that I feel so behind the times, older than, outdated. Although, we just upgraded our phones ( so I could receive emails) and I feel very proud of that....still learning the benefits...........and if honest, I miss my flip phone. It was easier to use, more convenient, more private.
I often hear a naggy old women's voice in my head (who IS that?????) every so often say: "why don't they just pick up the phone and CALL me." I really don't get it. And text messages can be about really IMPORTANT issues........how does that make sense to me? It simply doesn't. I get that time may be an issue, but if it turns into a string of texts - a phone call would have been faster. And an important topic deserves time & a voice.
Is all this technology making us less intimate? I believe it can. Convenience is one thing - and avoidance is another.
One should NOT use texts or emails for important emotional issues. But you say, what about letter writing, isn't it the same? No, it is not. When you write a letter, the process itself calls you to deepen your thinking and many times you will reread it before mailing. Emails and texts are fast, quick, now. No checking. No depth. You know what happens when you use a fast, convenient device for important, emotional, concerning issues? They get misunderstood. Truly. Think about it. How many times have you felt misunderstood due to another hearing something in your text or email you did not put there? How often have you read an email or text and wondered...what did they mean? Were they trying to be funny? Is this a joke?
And then there is the scheduling. I get that it is more convenient to have all the info you need in your life in a 3 x 5 , 1/4 inch thin electronic gizmo. And some day, (I can feel it nudging at me), as a multi busy woman in private practice I may tend to explore....(someday not now).....the idea of it...... BUT where does the connection from my hand to my heart go........the connection which happens when I write your name in my day planner? I love that connection, some moments it feels ritualistic to acknowledge your trust in me and my love for your journey as I place you in the preferred time slot.
As far as ease, I have seen people take ten times as long getting the info INTO their fancy planning device item as it takes me to write it down on my journal and your next appointment card.
Yes, there is a great generational divide. I am aware of it. It is natural.
Another birthday process for me has been looking at the women in my life who are close to my heart and seeing where I am in them. I have sat with the energy of the women closest to me, the ones I have a connection with, and thought: what are you mirroring for me? What is it about you which pushes my boundaries, my comfort zone, my buttons? What is it about you which I respect, seek and adore? Where do I see all that juiciness in myself?
Through this mirroring journey i have seen anger and wondered where it was in me. I have seen a strong woman feel dis-empowered.........where is that in me? I have seen a woman I deeply respect pull through a very challenging journey........where is that in me? I have heard women I love be judgemental.......where is that in me? I have seen women I adore need to be the center of attention........where is that in me? I see women love deeply and loyally, laugh outrageously, huddle in joy, rise up in ego, set them selves apart, give generously, be kind beyond words. And in all that I found tidbits and more of the same in my own self. Knowing that it can only come to me if it is in my own vibration....and knowing that if I do more than simply observe, if I get pushed........then I can look for that in me and go................Oh, there you are...let's find the root and love you so deeply you can leave into Light.
I think this is what I love the most about 'maturing'.........to have the wisdom and the faith to really see and know myself. To see one's self takes more courage than one would ever expect - but when you do, when you can, when you are able to see how you show up - well, then all walls are down and grace descends through all experiences.
So, this is another year since I landed in this incarnation. This will be my 58th birthday. So far, its been pretty incredible. I have had an amazing year and I look forward to more amazing life to unfold in the upcoming 59th year of my life (this time around).
Thank you for all of it -
Bliss & Bless, Deborah
Sunday, March 4, 2012
The Nature of the Road
The idea of the nature of something. Everything has a nature. When we look at a thing ( person, experience, idea ) - we rarely see the nature of It, because our perception is shaded by our personal lens' of wounds, opinions, state of being.
From a sharing of mine recently, a beloved mentioned my bumpy road, in a sad manner, and wished me well...and I had to go back and reread what they had read. And it was in this experience I heard this: The nature of the road is that it is bumpy. Do not make the bumps wrong. ....and brilliance sparkled! I was awake at one AM basking in this truth - smiling and blissing while contemplating and writing about this from my cozy sheets.
So much awareness opened as I watched a movie play out of how this truth reigns in our lives. Do not make the bumps wrong - we do this well enough when we are learning something new, a class perhaps, we can be patient, knowing we are not yet supposed to know. The bumps are the not knowing. We do not make it wrong that we do not yet know.
And then we are in every day life, and as we traverse the bumpy plane we can become so disillusioned, disappointed and make things so WRONG - which are just the nature of the road. And from our fear labels the word wrong pops up, and an entirely new emotional bag of tools surfaces. We start blaming, finding ways we are right or find ways to bury our self esteem even more, or the #1 choice; make another person wrong.
The bumps are not wrong, they just are. Life has bumps, all kinds. It's okay. Observe them. See them. Oh, you're a bump. Oh, you are in my way. Let's see, is there another path I can choose?
The nature of fire is hot. We do not make it wrong, do we? Can we blame the fire if we put our finger in it and it burns?
If someone comes at us with anger, it will not feel good. The nature of anger is hot and sharp.
Disgareeing is the nature of being human - it does not have to mean fighting, or making wrong, or finding fault. It simply is the nature of being human and having two individual lives coming together at one moment - there may be two different opinions.
When we share our road with another person, they see it through their own lens and that is the individual makeup of their personality, which is a concoction of wounds, beliefs, ideas and thoughts. Given that, it is all too precious when someone DOES agree with us!
The road of spiritual awakening is not pretty and often messy. The end moment is mighty fine, but it could be aligned with making love.....the experience leading up to the reason we chose to do it can be hot, sweaty, exhausting and messy; but the end result makes it worth it; to many.
The nature of the road of raising children is that there are many bumps. Daily living with little ones, which if we make wrong can be utterly unnerving and cause women everywhere to retaliate in thinking they have failed, are not doing enough and one of the undeniably most sad things I hear; I want a real job, this is not enough, I am not enough, I need to to do more.
The children are not wrong. The children, the experiences, the moments; they simply are. They are part of the road you chose. Given that raising another human being, being one of the guides for a souls journey in this incarnation - well, there is no more important job in the entire world, than to raise conscious adults to move into the next phase of our earths existence with more awareness than the prior group did.
As our children mature and grow into the next phase of thier paths, we may ask something of them they do not agree with. The nature of thier respone is they will not like it. It is the nature of coming into ones own skin - to not like anyone telling us how to do something. If you expect it to be easy, you are not respecting the nature of the road.
The nature of divorce and the severing of cords in the ending or letting go of any relationship is going to be challenging. That is the nature of the experience. Yet, if one comes at an experience without expectations and with love, it can ease the path and grace it with softness rather than sharpness.
The nature of the path of anything new is usually bumpy. Ok.
But what are the bumps made of? Opportunities.
And why do they hurt so much? Because we fight them so darn much. Because we label them wrong. Because our wounds bumping against the nature of the path itself hurts.
The bumps can either be slid over with grace, or grow sharp through our egos. But they are valuable and cannot be snuffed out, ironed flat, or ignored.
Try it. Stop making the nature of something wrong. Just let it be.
From a sharing of mine recently, a beloved mentioned my bumpy road, in a sad manner, and wished me well...and I had to go back and reread what they had read. And it was in this experience I heard this: The nature of the road is that it is bumpy. Do not make the bumps wrong. ....and brilliance sparkled! I was awake at one AM basking in this truth - smiling and blissing while contemplating and writing about this from my cozy sheets.
So much awareness opened as I watched a movie play out of how this truth reigns in our lives. Do not make the bumps wrong - we do this well enough when we are learning something new, a class perhaps, we can be patient, knowing we are not yet supposed to know. The bumps are the not knowing. We do not make it wrong that we do not yet know.
And then we are in every day life, and as we traverse the bumpy plane we can become so disillusioned, disappointed and make things so WRONG - which are just the nature of the road. And from our fear labels the word wrong pops up, and an entirely new emotional bag of tools surfaces. We start blaming, finding ways we are right or find ways to bury our self esteem even more, or the #1 choice; make another person wrong.
The bumps are not wrong, they just are. Life has bumps, all kinds. It's okay. Observe them. See them. Oh, you're a bump. Oh, you are in my way. Let's see, is there another path I can choose?
The nature of fire is hot. We do not make it wrong, do we? Can we blame the fire if we put our finger in it and it burns?
If someone comes at us with anger, it will not feel good. The nature of anger is hot and sharp.
Disgareeing is the nature of being human - it does not have to mean fighting, or making wrong, or finding fault. It simply is the nature of being human and having two individual lives coming together at one moment - there may be two different opinions.
When we share our road with another person, they see it through their own lens and that is the individual makeup of their personality, which is a concoction of wounds, beliefs, ideas and thoughts. Given that, it is all too precious when someone DOES agree with us!
The road of spiritual awakening is not pretty and often messy. The end moment is mighty fine, but it could be aligned with making love.....the experience leading up to the reason we chose to do it can be hot, sweaty, exhausting and messy; but the end result makes it worth it; to many.
The nature of the road of raising children is that there are many bumps. Daily living with little ones, which if we make wrong can be utterly unnerving and cause women everywhere to retaliate in thinking they have failed, are not doing enough and one of the undeniably most sad things I hear; I want a real job, this is not enough, I am not enough, I need to to do more.
The children are not wrong. The children, the experiences, the moments; they simply are. They are part of the road you chose. Given that raising another human being, being one of the guides for a souls journey in this incarnation - well, there is no more important job in the entire world, than to raise conscious adults to move into the next phase of our earths existence with more awareness than the prior group did.
As our children mature and grow into the next phase of thier paths, we may ask something of them they do not agree with. The nature of thier respone is they will not like it. It is the nature of coming into ones own skin - to not like anyone telling us how to do something. If you expect it to be easy, you are not respecting the nature of the road.
The nature of divorce and the severing of cords in the ending or letting go of any relationship is going to be challenging. That is the nature of the experience. Yet, if one comes at an experience without expectations and with love, it can ease the path and grace it with softness rather than sharpness.
The nature of the path of anything new is usually bumpy. Ok.
But what are the bumps made of? Opportunities.
And why do they hurt so much? Because we fight them so darn much. Because we label them wrong. Because our wounds bumping against the nature of the path itself hurts.
The bumps can either be slid over with grace, or grow sharp through our egos. But they are valuable and cannot be snuffed out, ironed flat, or ignored.
Try it. Stop making the nature of something wrong. Just let it be.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Stand Strong
The past few weeks have been what my niece in law says - "crazy!". I love when she says it - it sounds so alive; not negative, nor positive - simply crazy. That about wraps it up. But, it's an interesting topic - this hoopla energy - this colliding into myself energy - this I "am so tired just let me sleep and someone wake me up when its all over energy".
The waves of brilliance pouring through our universal soul overlay is immense; often and more powerful than anything I have ever felt. To be honest - I went to bed. Fever. Exhaustion. I stopped the crazy and retreated. I think its over, at least for now. I can get up again, see clients again. Zowie.
Over the past two weeks, I kept colliding into myself. I would mention someone to a friend, and then they would appear. Instantly. I had the fullest week I have ever had in my private practice. A family member had surgery. Clients got mad at me. Clients pushed my buttons. I felt when I pushed their buttons. Excuse me, folks, your humanness is showing. And I went to bed. After a client I would need to go to bed..... just fall onto the bed with my clothes on...and sleep, for hours.
So sensative. Everyone. All of it. Everything is heightened.
I had a talk with God last week about wanting a glass of wine. I really wanted one. I am SO good ALL the time...it feels boring to me only when I get tired and get off balance. I was in the store and asked if I could PLEASE have just one, (yes, like a whining three year old, I admit) and 'they' said 'no'. And that little piece of myself which was exhausted (and very off balance) and not listening to my own advise, said back, I think I am going to anyways. I bought the wine, brought it home, put it on the top shelf above the cabinets where the wine lives.....went into the other room and heard a crash! Yes, somehow, (and we know how) the bottle fell forward (physically impossible) and broke dishes on the way to the counter and the floor, over two rugs, white tablecloth, dining room chairs, white counters...and did I mention it was deep red wine? And I said 'you could have just said no', and they said 'we did'. And I spent over an hour picking it up, cleaning it up, washing and bleaching it off the white counters, glass everywhere. Threw out both rugs, It was quite a bold statement even coming from the non physical realm. (They thought it was funny.)
Sometimes being an intuitive, clairvoyant, minister, guide.......has days that are exhausting. Voices, statements of intentions, of pure goodness.......guidance; all day long. All day, every day, knowing what any one person is feeling towards you...imagine. Knowing the moment you say something that offends another and you can feel them retreat. I know how my clients feel. Sometimes, they just don't want to hear it. I get it. Sometimes I just don't want to hear it either - even though I know 'they' are right. I know that the 'they' I speak, no matter how you define it, all-ways has my and your best interest in mind. I know, that the world is all-ways collaborating on my and your behalf - all-ways.
I wonder what it is like to have a life where one has a degree in something linear, which tells you how to best do what you are doing. To have a job where there is a book, rules, guidelines - proven before, from which to use. Where one can turn to page 101 and find the answer. I wonder what it is like to say, oh, I read this and it is fact. To depend on what another has done, rather than what is flowing through you at any given moment. To even believe in fact must be a huge relief in this world. It has to be, people believe in them even when they do not work. I cannot even imagine. Even my concept of fact is not accepted in this linear world. Everyday, every thing I believe in is challenged. Every day.
And every day I challenge another's idea of fact. I wonder what a day would be like to simply stop trying to define, and just be.
I joke with freinds about getting a job in a bakery and serving bagels with a smile at four am every day....but I know me, I'd hear someones dead mother giving them a message and I'd have to reach across the counter, tell them - and then I'd get fired. From a bagel shop.
Lately, there has been so much love pouring through emails - and then, SO much naught. So much complaining and fear based attitudes. The fear is gearing up, it already has geared up and it is out in force. Those who know love, stand strong. It is our time.
Waves of change through brilliant intelligence and awareness are upon us. (BIG TIME!) Several to take place this year, 2012. All our fears and frailties. We humans. Wow - we know we chose this; but really?
Having to stand up against the fear - having to be in love at all times; well, it is not a human course. It is the job of God - of that Divine Holiness. That non-physicalness of life which when we listen does speak to us. I tell all my clients if we listen we better take action on what they say - that is why so many come to me - but what kind of teacher am I if I don't listen? Oh, yeah, human.
The waves of brilliance pouring through our universal soul overlay is immense; often and more powerful than anything I have ever felt. To be honest - I went to bed. Fever. Exhaustion. I stopped the crazy and retreated. I think its over, at least for now. I can get up again, see clients again. Zowie.
Over the past two weeks, I kept colliding into myself. I would mention someone to a friend, and then they would appear. Instantly. I had the fullest week I have ever had in my private practice. A family member had surgery. Clients got mad at me. Clients pushed my buttons. I felt when I pushed their buttons. Excuse me, folks, your humanness is showing. And I went to bed. After a client I would need to go to bed..... just fall onto the bed with my clothes on...and sleep, for hours.
So sensative. Everyone. All of it. Everything is heightened.
I had a talk with God last week about wanting a glass of wine. I really wanted one. I am SO good ALL the time...it feels boring to me only when I get tired and get off balance. I was in the store and asked if I could PLEASE have just one, (yes, like a whining three year old, I admit) and 'they' said 'no'. And that little piece of myself which was exhausted (and very off balance) and not listening to my own advise, said back, I think I am going to anyways. I bought the wine, brought it home, put it on the top shelf above the cabinets where the wine lives.....went into the other room and heard a crash! Yes, somehow, (and we know how) the bottle fell forward (physically impossible) and broke dishes on the way to the counter and the floor, over two rugs, white tablecloth, dining room chairs, white counters...and did I mention it was deep red wine? And I said 'you could have just said no', and they said 'we did'. And I spent over an hour picking it up, cleaning it up, washing and bleaching it off the white counters, glass everywhere. Threw out both rugs, It was quite a bold statement even coming from the non physical realm. (They thought it was funny.)
Sometimes being an intuitive, clairvoyant, minister, guide.......has days that are exhausting. Voices, statements of intentions, of pure goodness.......guidance; all day long. All day, every day, knowing what any one person is feeling towards you...imagine. Knowing the moment you say something that offends another and you can feel them retreat. I know how my clients feel. Sometimes, they just don't want to hear it. I get it. Sometimes I just don't want to hear it either - even though I know 'they' are right. I know that the 'they' I speak, no matter how you define it, all-ways has my and your best interest in mind. I know, that the world is all-ways collaborating on my and your behalf - all-ways.
I wonder what it is like to have a life where one has a degree in something linear, which tells you how to best do what you are doing. To have a job where there is a book, rules, guidelines - proven before, from which to use. Where one can turn to page 101 and find the answer. I wonder what it is like to say, oh, I read this and it is fact. To depend on what another has done, rather than what is flowing through you at any given moment. To even believe in fact must be a huge relief in this world. It has to be, people believe in them even when they do not work. I cannot even imagine. Even my concept of fact is not accepted in this linear world. Everyday, every thing I believe in is challenged. Every day.
And every day I challenge another's idea of fact. I wonder what a day would be like to simply stop trying to define, and just be.
I joke with freinds about getting a job in a bakery and serving bagels with a smile at four am every day....but I know me, I'd hear someones dead mother giving them a message and I'd have to reach across the counter, tell them - and then I'd get fired. From a bagel shop.
Lately, there has been so much love pouring through emails - and then, SO much naught. So much complaining and fear based attitudes. The fear is gearing up, it already has geared up and it is out in force. Those who know love, stand strong. It is our time.
Waves of change through brilliant intelligence and awareness are upon us. (BIG TIME!) Several to take place this year, 2012. All our fears and frailties. We humans. Wow - we know we chose this; but really?
Having to stand up against the fear - having to be in love at all times; well, it is not a human course. It is the job of God - of that Divine Holiness. That non-physicalness of life which when we listen does speak to us. I tell all my clients if we listen we better take action on what they say - that is why so many come to me - but what kind of teacher am I if I don't listen? Oh, yeah, human.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Quantum Vulnerability
Oriah Moutain Dreamer (excellent books !) sent a blurb out on FB about her recent FB comment being misunderstood by readers, and how she practiced NOT commenting back, through the art of detachment, and how she found herself being in all that drama. Her practice was very familiar to me; yet my take on it is different.
When we speak or write and then others comment to us, and we feel we are NOT understood in the exact framework we meant it to be; human frustration can arise. I learned a very long time ago, that was a never ending gerbil wheel of exhaustion and if one is going to be a giver / sharer of teachings of any kind - or even a human being, another viewpoint about communion was necessary.
(The moment you have a conversation you are in co-munion with another heart. The moment you enter outside yourself; you are co-munning with life. The moment you give of yourself; whatever it is, is received in comunion with another heart.)
I walk the path of detachment in my life and work and purpose. I do not think of myself as a teacher in the traditional sense; for I believe we are each our own teacher. Not thinking of myself as a teacher allows me to speak, explain, offer, give; and then let go and allow the comments, ideas or analogies to "land" if they will. I use this word often, for that is what I believe our words do, they 'land' within another persons energy field. And then, perhaps in conflict with the givers ego; they can become something unlike the giver was offering. The moment we speak, write, present, give anything - it take on a life of its own. We can each share, but what the receiver does with it is up to them.
Yesterday I submitted my first play to a festival. I have been a closet writer of novels, poetry, shorts and plays since high school. The act of actually sending it out, letting it go, allowing anothers eyes to view it; well, it is much like letting your child go to college. The moment anything leaves our hearts to be viewed, read, heard, seen by another; the thing itself changes.
As I hit the send button I thought; I have to direct it so they get it right; but then, my higher much smarter more unconditional wiser self jumped in; but, another heart, another set of eyes; the excitement of what another individual could bring to the table, how another would influx a word, or see a movement, or input an emotion; would create something different. I find that exciting, collaborative and 'right'.
The act of allowing others in, produces vulnerabilty and THAT is an opportunity for self teaching at it very, very best!
The moment an artist lets go of their work, it becomes something different than it was while in their hallowed midst. The second it hangs in another room, is viewed by another heart; the work itself changes.
The same is true of our conversations. The moment we speak and allow another to hear our thoughts; the meaning of the words we were speaking become something different when heard by another person. Because of this, I stopped a LONG LONG time ago; writing for others, speaking to impress others, trying to make a point to others. In that context, the gerbil wheel evolves into a mammoth carnival ride of ego against ego.
Create so your own heart feels it. Write so your heart is moved. Speak words which move your emotional life up the scale of this journey. Allow the teacher who you are, to pay attention to your favorite and truly only student; yourself. And KNOW that if and when any gift comes from the heart, is authentic and true; it will only do good, create love, be moved and received in joy. Another words, give from your heart, not your ego. Give from love, not from fear.
In Love, Deborah
When we speak or write and then others comment to us, and we feel we are NOT understood in the exact framework we meant it to be; human frustration can arise. I learned a very long time ago, that was a never ending gerbil wheel of exhaustion and if one is going to be a giver / sharer of teachings of any kind - or even a human being, another viewpoint about communion was necessary.
(The moment you have a conversation you are in co-munion with another heart. The moment you enter outside yourself; you are co-munning with life. The moment you give of yourself; whatever it is, is received in comunion with another heart.)
I walk the path of detachment in my life and work and purpose. I do not think of myself as a teacher in the traditional sense; for I believe we are each our own teacher. Not thinking of myself as a teacher allows me to speak, explain, offer, give; and then let go and allow the comments, ideas or analogies to "land" if they will. I use this word often, for that is what I believe our words do, they 'land' within another persons energy field. And then, perhaps in conflict with the givers ego; they can become something unlike the giver was offering. The moment we speak, write, present, give anything - it take on a life of its own. We can each share, but what the receiver does with it is up to them.
Yesterday I submitted my first play to a festival. I have been a closet writer of novels, poetry, shorts and plays since high school. The act of actually sending it out, letting it go, allowing anothers eyes to view it; well, it is much like letting your child go to college. The moment anything leaves our hearts to be viewed, read, heard, seen by another; the thing itself changes.
As I hit the send button I thought; I have to direct it so they get it right; but then, my higher much smarter more unconditional wiser self jumped in; but, another heart, another set of eyes; the excitement of what another individual could bring to the table, how another would influx a word, or see a movement, or input an emotion; would create something different. I find that exciting, collaborative and 'right'.
The act of allowing others in, produces vulnerabilty and THAT is an opportunity for self teaching at it very, very best!
The moment an artist lets go of their work, it becomes something different than it was while in their hallowed midst. The second it hangs in another room, is viewed by another heart; the work itself changes.
The same is true of our conversations. The moment we speak and allow another to hear our thoughts; the meaning of the words we were speaking become something different when heard by another person. Because of this, I stopped a LONG LONG time ago; writing for others, speaking to impress others, trying to make a point to others. In that context, the gerbil wheel evolves into a mammoth carnival ride of ego against ego.
Create so your own heart feels it. Write so your heart is moved. Speak words which move your emotional life up the scale of this journey. Allow the teacher who you are, to pay attention to your favorite and truly only student; yourself. And KNOW that if and when any gift comes from the heart, is authentic and true; it will only do good, create love, be moved and received in joy. Another words, give from your heart, not your ego. Give from love, not from fear.
In Love, Deborah
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Celebrations & Rituals
Last week my husband was watching the tribute to (the closing of) Shay Stadium in NY - I believe it took place a few years ago, yet the show held me spellbound. Not because Billy Joel was so good, but because he was so thrilled to be there - his authenticity, love and humbleness poured out of him. The intentions of the performance were palpable, then Paul McCartney getting there in record time because an entire team of souls came together from the stadium to the police, to the airport - made it happen.
The moment that got me, was when the entire, packed soul to soul stadium sang back to Billy Joel HIS own song. He sat there at his piano, tears, sweat, awe - looking at the sea of humanity singing TO HIM, his own song. I tell you, that was an amazing moment, to be in the audience had to be life changing.
What a celebration. What an extraordinary ritual. The memory for all those thousands of people who were there that night will be the JOY of the love, the excitement of the work and accomplishments of the evening - that is their final and first thought of their beloved original stadium.
Change. The most natural aspect of life. Rituals allow for us to have a different memory. All of our celebrations invoke a chord of joy, of gratitude; no matter the occasion.
In marriage, even if the wedding was difficult to plan, even if there were family feuds, misunderstandings, exhaustion.......the actual day and moment are what is remembered, is what is the most recent memory and therefore the vibration which is remembered and felt.
At funerals and memorials, no matter the pain and deep loss; the celebration of the life which was lived, which effected others; is what is honored, remembered and is the energetic vibration which you are left with. The love felt when others grieve with us and celebrate with us can be more powerful and can overcome the pain of loss. The loss cannot and should never be forgotten, but the most tender and loving and positive memories the future is built on can be those of the life celebration itself.
If a pregnancy is difficult, but the welcoming of new life in the form of a naming, or christening or other ritual can be the memory from which one moves forward with.
Rituals of all kinds, types, sizes and intentions are powerful beyond description. They connect us to the great mystery, to the non physical life. The feelings that we have, the feelings we experience are who we are. Our feelings, in every moment, create where we will be perceiving from in the next moment.
We all know of the experience of a difficult death - and then there is the life celebration of honoring, sharing, crying and laughing and parts of us are healed through those experiences. Our memories can shift from the painful burdens to the love. The love is what always survives. The love always is there.
The New Year ritual allows souls to begin again, to feel the freshness of a clean slate. A birthday party welcomes us to feel renewed, to move forward, to let go of perhaps a year which was not our easiest. The coming of age rituals allow families to let go of a child and welcome a young woman or man. A ritual allows our selves to step into new roles through support of family and friends. Through ritual our hearts gain a new understanding of any situation, to see with new eyes.
The intentions of any ritual cleanses us of the old and welcomes the new.
Creating ritual is a power-filled and substantial process which can change your interior tremendously and therefore your life feels, looks and is different.
The moment that got me, was when the entire, packed soul to soul stadium sang back to Billy Joel HIS own song. He sat there at his piano, tears, sweat, awe - looking at the sea of humanity singing TO HIM, his own song. I tell you, that was an amazing moment, to be in the audience had to be life changing.
What a celebration. What an extraordinary ritual. The memory for all those thousands of people who were there that night will be the JOY of the love, the excitement of the work and accomplishments of the evening - that is their final and first thought of their beloved original stadium.
Change. The most natural aspect of life. Rituals allow for us to have a different memory. All of our celebrations invoke a chord of joy, of gratitude; no matter the occasion.
In marriage, even if the wedding was difficult to plan, even if there were family feuds, misunderstandings, exhaustion.......the actual day and moment are what is remembered, is what is the most recent memory and therefore the vibration which is remembered and felt.
At funerals and memorials, no matter the pain and deep loss; the celebration of the life which was lived, which effected others; is what is honored, remembered and is the energetic vibration which you are left with. The love felt when others grieve with us and celebrate with us can be more powerful and can overcome the pain of loss. The loss cannot and should never be forgotten, but the most tender and loving and positive memories the future is built on can be those of the life celebration itself.
If a pregnancy is difficult, but the welcoming of new life in the form of a naming, or christening or other ritual can be the memory from which one moves forward with.
Rituals of all kinds, types, sizes and intentions are powerful beyond description. They connect us to the great mystery, to the non physical life. The feelings that we have, the feelings we experience are who we are. Our feelings, in every moment, create where we will be perceiving from in the next moment.
We all know of the experience of a difficult death - and then there is the life celebration of honoring, sharing, crying and laughing and parts of us are healed through those experiences. Our memories can shift from the painful burdens to the love. The love is what always survives. The love always is there.
The New Year ritual allows souls to begin again, to feel the freshness of a clean slate. A birthday party welcomes us to feel renewed, to move forward, to let go of perhaps a year which was not our easiest. The coming of age rituals allow families to let go of a child and welcome a young woman or man. A ritual allows our selves to step into new roles through support of family and friends. Through ritual our hearts gain a new understanding of any situation, to see with new eyes.
The intentions of any ritual cleanses us of the old and welcomes the new.
Creating ritual is a power-filled and substantial process which can change your interior tremendously and therefore your life feels, looks and is different.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Good bye 2011, Hello 2012
I send you love.
I have never before truly looked forward to a New Year, but from my heart, 2012 is one new day which I am sincerely looking forward to.
2011 brought much "business" to The ALM. I was brought away from church ministry in the traditional sense, and private practice was the root of my calling. I have sat in awe of the human spirit and the inner strength which when called upon, trusted and allowed shines forth. I have sat in honor of so many souls; you have trusted me and I in turn have trusted God.
You have placed me in your lives in ways I never could have seen possible and when I sit and contemplate Love; I think of you.
I think of your faces, hearts, journeys every day. I think of your lives, your joys, your heart wrenching opening moments and I give thanks.
A beloved told me this year she feels like my office is her church. One on One church.
I think of you, those who I have served at numerous churches, I think of you.
I send you love.
I think of the strangers who some how get my number.....or the person who says your card popped up on my desk....or the woman who knew so and so or the client who just happened to walk into store to ask directions and met me......or the man who found me on the internet and I ended up talking his son through painful times.......I think of young mothers dying, couples being married, partners finally being able to be 'legal', ......I think of you.
I think of your face lighting up during a class as you remember, I think of the joy you felt when you 'got it', I think of your tears you sobbed in my presence......I think of you.
I think of how I ran into you last week after a while and it felt heart warming and loving. I think of your voice saying thank you. I think of crawling up next to you as we talk about your fears and assuring you, God is here. I think of you.
I think of your faces when at the altar of the service you said "yes", "I do", and embraced in luscious love.
I truly do hold you each in my heart. Even if you have not been an active part of this ministry for years; I remember you. I wonder how you are. I send you love.
I offer you my deepest gratitude for allowing me, little Debbie Evans from North Andover, the honor of being a teeny facet of your journey. Thank you for being such a HUGE part of mine.
To 2012.
with great love & gratitude, Rev Deb
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